my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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