Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
