She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i now understand why vodka
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
