I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
