I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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