in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Actions speak louder than pants.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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