I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
