The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
