Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
