i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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