theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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