Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
