So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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