im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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