yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish you could order shots online.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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