I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
