I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize