Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
