My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
