The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
