It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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