Swine flu. Run for my life!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
