she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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