No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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