I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
