They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
