WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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