she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
