just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize