You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I deserve this hangover.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
