Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
