He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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