census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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