I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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