So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
