I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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