Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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