did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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