she looked like the before picture.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
