fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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