well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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