Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
