i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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