idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
