My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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