I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
