pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
