So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
