thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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