is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
