And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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