glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
