I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
