he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
where does the pee come out of this thing
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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