If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
