I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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