Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
