During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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