hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
