What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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