hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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