Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
