Banned from zoo.
Again?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
