I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
