I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
