Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
