Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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