Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
