Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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